Essay: Ups and downs

As you may have noticed, I haven't been around here much during 2023. My libido took a dive in February and so writing filthy stories wasn't something I thought about for a while. Now things are back on track and I'm feeling more like myself again, I thought I should take a handful of those little seeds of stories and see if I can make them grow. Plant them on the blank page and nurture them. But first, I felt drawn to go back and re-read some of my old blog posts.

The urge to delete some of them was strong at first. Mostly just the heavily submissive kink-related posts, as they just don't hit the same for me any more. They feel like they're representative of my headspace at a very vulnerable time - during the pandemic lockdowns of 2020 and 2021 - and they really don't feel like me any more. Not quite like someone else wrote them, but more like someone else gave me the idea. She was hiding out in my brain during that time, and was a comfort blanket at a difficult time, but she is no longer me.

I'm still working out what turns me on the most right now, what's going to inspire my personal fantasies; but it's definitely not D/s and it wasn't that pre-2020 either. So maybe I'm now finally back to feeling like myself again? After a couple of years of collective trauma and a couple of years of healing (and also that magical thing called HRT which gave me back my lost libido; perhaps I'll tell you about it some time). Right now, I'll pick some snippets of story ideas which will help me use my imagination and stretch my creativity. Writing fiction lets you imagine being someone else, so I can explore things that make other people horny. Which characters will you enjoy the most, I wonder?